The top 10 list that we have is for our black men. and black women to understand how to work with any dating site because the true goal is to build a strong, long lasting relationship. We do want our members to know that, though we're speaking about our site, Ebony Over 30, these tips can work with any online dating site.
10. Beware of those without a personal picture, or those who only use avatars.
You've seen it online where people post images, flags, animals, automobiles and other inanimate objects as their profile picture. Other than those that have products that they're trying to sell, or a service that they're trying to get customers for, there's no reason not to post a picture of you.
Unless you don't want people to know who you are. This isn't really to hide yourself from members, it's to hide your identity from someone, that knows you, from finding out that you're on a dating or singles site. It's really noticeable on porn sites, and swinger sites. But you can see this behavior on dating and social network sites.
Think about this. You join a dating site but you don't want your picture to show. Does that really make any sense?
9. Beware of those that want to go out with you too soon.
When we say that we're speaking of the person that sees your picture and contacts you for a date. We can't say that everyone that does that has ill intentions. What we do know is that most of them are people that are looking for some quick gratification. We know that that person isn't really looking for a long lasting relationship.
If you're looking to build a real long lasting relationship, avoid this kind of nonsense, or check it at the door.
8. Do Not give out your personal information.
This tip has been mentioned quite often online. We have to continue to mention it because it's very important. Until you get to know that person that you're communicating with online you MUST protect yourself.
When you give out your number there's what's called a cross reference, or sometimes called "criss cross" directories. Your phone number can be used to find your address. Always be careful.
7. The first date should be set up by the website that you met on.
Many dating websites will set up member meeting events where you and other members came come together at a location offline. These are a great way to meet others. There's no stress or pressure because the events are set up with activities for all involved to participate. You're not pressured to entertain anyone, just participate.
6. If a person can't or won't introduce you to their family or friends ...RUN.
This is a very important tip. Probably one of the most important tips we could deliver to you. Everyone, we mean everyone has family, friends, co-workers or classmates that are close to them. Everyone has someone that is special to them. If you're trying to build a relationship with someone wouldn't you want to meet people that they're close to, people that mean a lot in their life?
The reason this becomes so important is because most of us have watched the ID channel where people are living a double life. It might not get that extreme, but you might be meeting with someone that has a significant other in the picture.
Think about this. If you had someone special in your life wouldn't you want them to meet and get to know your family and friends?
5. Keep your online communication on the site that you met on.
Say a black man, and black woman meet here on Ebony Over 30, we're going to provide everything you need to get to know one another. There should be no reason for you to leave the site to communicate with that person.
Usually when some one tells you that if you want to know more about them, or see additional pictures of them they're nothing more than a spammer. And the link that they provide is to a porn site. The link can also lead you to a virus.
So communicate on the site that you meet the person on, no need to go anywhere else.
4. If a person tries to pressure you about sex, or spends most of your time speaking about sex, or "hooking up" leave...that's all they want.
Again, this is a topic worth repeating. People let you know exactly what they want from you based on their conversation or interaction with you. If all that they are interested in is sex, well that's the conversation.
We at Ebony Over 30 have designed the site to, hopefully, help people really communicate and get to know one another. We can't weed out all of the "players".
We try to get everyone involved in some of the groups, and activities on our site, with hopes that it will help bring out what makes that person special.
Look for that on any dating site.
3. If you travel long distance (out of state) to meet someone rent a hotel or motel room.
Picture this, you meet someone online and you feel that your interest level is high, but that person lives in another state than you. The offline activities that we will set up for our members to meet and interact is for local members within a specific state. The offline activities will not exclude members from other states wanting to take part.
But here you are traveling to another state to meet that special member, you stay with them, and you don't get along. Things fall apart after the first or second night. This is a very awkward situation. To avoid all of this you should secure a hotel room, and also have activities that you might be interested in during your stay, just in case you have to be alone for a couple of days.
2. Watch out for negative or hostile language.
While you're online with someone watch how they speak to others. Mainly watch how they speak to others of your same sex. If the language is hostile, nasty or disrespectful, what makes you think that they will treat you better? A persons true colors cannot be hidden for long. If the person becomes hostile, nasty or disrespectful with someone of your sex don't think that they will treat you much better. They might try to approach you differently, but the results can be the same once they get upset.
1. Never act desperate.
Building a good, long lasting relationship takes time. Desperation shows, it shows when you're too eager to meet. It shows when you are willing to accept any type of treatment. It shows when you make excuses for the other person disrespecting you. It shows when you can't wait to show revealing pictures of yourself. Avoid making statements that say that you want to meet the person right away.
If you don't see any worth in yourself, no one else will.
BONUS 1. Beware of those with multiple accounts or cancelled previous accounts.
You might find online someone with more than 1 account. Now they might tell you that 1 is personal and 1 is business. Though that might be true but it's not necessary on a dating website. Also with dating sites that have a social community aspect, like our site Ebony Over 30, the 2 accounts (business and personal) can be linked.
We want you to know that most dating, singles or mingle websites have rules. Many of them might have rules about, what they or their community, feels is inappropriate behavior or pornography. Some might have rules pertaining to language or, what they consider to be, abuse. Some will have a no tolerance policy that might get you kicked out when you violate 1 time. Some might give you more than 1 violation before you get booted.
When that happens some people will try to create new accounts. Here is a link to our rules Ebony Over 30 Rules . Some might not think that it's not a bad thing, but think about this, if they got booted for rules violation what makes you think that they changed that habit. If they went and created a new account that means that they did not clear up the violation that got them booted in the first place. If that is true what they just showed you with the new account is that they have some problems and they're also sneaky. They'd rather create a new account instead of changing their ways.
BONUS 2. Beware of those that only has 10 year old (or older) photos.
We've seen this quite often people that only have old photos of themselves in their profile. This might be a person that changed dramatically over the years, or someone that's trying to hid who the are. In either case try to avoid this person.
With most cell phones, laptops, and pc monitors with built in cameras there's no reason that a person cannot take a recent picture of themselves.
Keep each of these tips in mind, no matter what site you join. If there are combinations of these tips in someone that you're having a conversation with, be careful, be very careful.
Number 6 tip is for that time when you take the opportunity to get to know the person offline. This tip is very important. If you want to protect yourself let your friends and/or family know exactly who you're meeting, when, and where.
How someone treats you shows what they feel about you. We're going to explore this one in an upcoming blog.
In future blogs we'll be covering each tip in detail. We'll give you examples of each, and tell you personal stories from our teams experiences.
We want black men, and black women to build great relationships. Rebuild the black family, and community. Remember in order to build a long lasting relationship we must start off with honesty, and respect.
Peace. Ebony Over 30